The Heartwarming Tale of a Kale Cocktail

When someone — especially Jeff — questions my ability to do something well, it only deepens my resolve to kick ass at it (please don’t ever challenge me to be a best-selling low-rent prostitute). Yes, I understand the concept of reverse psychology, but deep down I’m still an insecure gap-toothed girl with wooden beads in my hair.

So, when Jeff said I couldn’t make a delicious kale cocktail for Episode 6 of the feed me kc podcast (all about kale, duh!), I called him a “sthuupidhead” and started putting together my bag of tricks. Literally, I took my ingredients to Jeff’s house in a bag. They were:

  • A few handfuls of fresh, raw kale, stems removed
  • 2 lemons (for juice)
  • Turbinado sugar
  • Agave nectar
  • Whatever was left in a bottle of Absolut Vodka
  • And my secret weapon, the Twist ‘n Sparkle

Once I told Jeff to clear the hell out of his own kitchen so I could make cocktail history, I squeezed the juice of one lime over the leafy veg and massaged it until it turned a deep green and began to wilt. Or, as I say in Episode 6 of the feed me kc podcast: I massaged the shit out of that kale.

Once that kale was nice and relaxed, I put it in the blender with a tablespoon or so of the turbinado sugar, a generous squeeze of agave nectar, the juice of the second lime and a handful of ice. I blended it until it was smoother than John Secada and transported it to the best Christmas present I’ve ever received (thanks, Kyle!), my Twist ‘n Sparkle. (It will carbonate anything in 60 seconds; I’ve even used it to make my own ginger beer and bubbly Shiraz.) I also emptied the Absolut in there. Then — just like Jesus turned water into wine — I turned this boozy kale sludge into a delightfully refreshing kale cocktail, a.k.a. Kaletail, a.k.a the Healthy Little Tart.

I could tell you how good it was, and why, all of a sudden, it wasn’t. But I’d rather you listen to us drink it in the refreshingly short (only 23 vitamin-enriched minutes) Episode 6 of the feed me kc podcast — all about KALE!

Bottoms up!

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2 Responses to “The Heartwarming Tale of a Kale Cocktail”

  1. May 31, 2012 at 9:55 am #

    Good Podcast on this, as always! You folks may need a science advisor (why is this application trying to get me to spell that word incorrectly, with an “e” instead of an “o”???)… Anyway, let me know if I can be of help on that in the future.

    You brought up raw vs cooked in your podcast convo. Veggies should be consumed both ways. Raw veg will give you more vitamins, most of which are heat labile (meaning heat messes them up) whereas cooking breaks down the cellular walls of vegetables (which we don’t do very well in our tummies) and helps your body get more minerals out of the veggies. Minerals are not heat labile.

    Of course, steaming is the best because you don’t lose as many nutrients to the water. Boiling is probably the worst.

  2. June 10, 2012 at 9:51 pm #

    It would be fun to have a fact from “Science Steve” every week. We’ll consult you about your next topic!

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